GSMCC....Est 2002

It's the Gabsites Christmas dinner

And it's nice to see you all here

I'm about to tell you a story

Of what happened throughout the year

Now you know that we're in a recession

And things have been relatively dull

No money for us to go crazy

No money for men to get full

Now there's one man who always has money

Jimmy Hagan bought a bike in Belfast

A big B.M.W. Tralie

But the seat was too high for his ass

So wee Jimmy went back to the dealer

Can you lower that seat away down

For when I am sitting up on it

My feet are a foot from the ground

So Jimmy took the B.M. up a mountain

Round the forest roads just for a skight

Now nobody knows what happened

But Jimmy went head over shite

But Jimmy had enjoyed it

He determined he'd go back

This time he'd be more careful

And his B.M. would not get wrecked.

So him and Jimmy Simpson

Went to the mountain and the muck

To stay with Simpson's K.T.M

Wee Jimmy rode the B.M. like fuck

Now Jimmy was getting more cocky

Out of the B.M. he was cutting big lumps

And he shouts to Jimmy Simpson

Hey boy! Take us over some jumps

The B.M. took off like an aeroplane

When she landed she came down with a slap

While in the air Jimmy did a childish thing

And filled his trousers full of crap

And then there is a big Corbett

Or big Davey as he's known

Fell out with this wee man one day

While out on the Antrim coast road

This old boy was out with the family

For a drive and maybe a wee bite

And then the poor ol' Crator

Decided that he'd turn right

God help him the old boy seen nothing

In his mirror coming like hell

It was Corbett on the R1

So Corbett turned right as well

Now Corbett he was raging

Roaring and shouting like a bull

If he could get that ol' boy stopped

The head aff him he'd pull

Now Davey rode beside him

Ranting + raving at this wee man

The ol' boy just looked straight ahead

He didn't give a damn

One day while we rode round Dungannon

Davey says boys can we pull her in

It's time for the cream buns and tea boys

We'll stop at The Cohannon Inn

Now the inn it was terribly busy

And Davey had nowhere to sit

When he spied a big jeep with a bull bar

And decided on it he would sit

With his cream buns and tea he goes over

His big arse he plants down upon it

When the bull bar fell off and was busted

Big Corbett went arse over tit

There's a big land his nickname is P.J.

Peter Johnston to give him a name

I've noticed a difference in P.J.

For lately he's not just the same

He's started to dress very well now

Designed jeans, shirts & aftershave

You'd nearly think he'd got a woman

Ach! Surely there's no girl that brave

You'll know P.J. as soon as you see him

Big tall guy, blond hair, funny face

God help the wee girl that picked him

She really hasn't much taste

Be careful with the furniture darling

Especially if it's made light

for if P.J sits down on it

He'll break it into shite

Don't believe me ask Johnny Curry

What P.J. done to his stool

While Johnny was at the toilet

P.J. broke it the bloody big fool

Have you's seen the bloody size of him

None will him annoy

His mother says when he was young

He could even break Tonka toys

Now the next one I tell of in this story

Has featured in my poem every year

If he doesn't lose the head and get angry

He falls off his bike on his ear

He really does look like a racer

With his leather all shiny and clean

I feel sorry for Davey Gillespie

For my arse is all he has seen

Now I don't want to seem to be nasty

I want to be kind if I can

But boys you all know about Davey

He used to be a big Honda fan

Now Davey has made a few changes

To try to be quicker than me

He went to the dealers in H/boro

And bought a brand new Suzuki

It's not the bike Davey that matters

It's the man that sits up on TOP

and Davey I'm sorry to tell you

As riders go you're just crap

To the Ulster Grand Prix in the car

Davey decided he would go

And park just in behind the pits

But the attendant he said no

So Davey in his dramatic way

Said who the fuck do you think you are

I'm only looking in there

To park the fucking car

But the attendant he was positive

That by Davey he would not be knollard

In a temper Davey selected reverse

And backed into a bollard

Davey it's great you do these things

And give me something to write

You really are a character

An honest & true gabshite

Now Mervyn's moving up now boys

In the motorcycling nation

Did you know that he's the chairman

Of the Marshall's Association

He goes to all the races

With his orange suit on his back

To Nutts Corner and Bishops Court

Every bloomin track

Julianne makes him sandwiches

And a wee flask full of tea

And away he goes in early morn

Nearly every Saturday

You'll hear him before you see him

Of that there is no doubt

For if you know our Mervyn

He really likes to shout

Hol' on a fuckin' minute here

Is one he likes to use

Drive on to fuck you silly cunt

Another to name a few

But Mervyn's not the worse you know

He likes to organise

Although at times when he starts to shout

You'd think he wasn't wise

But finally now good people

My poem has got to end

But just one little story

Of a faller at a bend

Toot Helmsley he fell off one day

Near Crumlin on his own

And then he made this lame excuse

I think I hit a stone

No matter how hard his mates looked

Not a stone could anyone find

So we all think the stones he hit

Were in Toot Helmsley's mind

My Poem has finally ended

Merry Christmas and good cheer

And to everyone of you tonight

Have a happy and prosperous new year

The Gabshites year poem by Michael Williamson 6-12-08

Christmas time is here again
Its time for the Gabshites dinner
So I have a little poem for you
I hope it is a winner
It will tell a little story
Of the year that’s just gone past
And some of the bloody idiots
Who ended up on their ass
The first one I remember
Stuarty Crothers I recall
While riding down the Antrim coast
Had the misfortune to fall
He hit Paul hunter and the wife
I can still here that girl screamin’ and
All that Stuarty Crothers could say was
Paul I was fuckin’ dreamin’
You see the scenery’s good round here
I didn’t see you stopping
Well hunter he could hardly talk
For he was really hoppin’
His wife was lyin’ in the ditch
His Honda was in shite
Paul hunter looked at Stuarty
I was only turning right Now look at my wee darling
Lyin’ there among the weeds
I’ll have to go tomorrow
And get her what she needs
A mudguard and a tail light
A set of blinkers and a pipe
Says Stuarty holy Jesus Paul
What about the wife
Oh she's o.k. she's moaning
What else can I say
Stuarty if you lived with her
You'd hear that every day

The next one I remember is
Ali McKnight "the wheelie king"
You'll always hear him saying
I can wheelie anything
So while coming out of Newry
Ali's front wheel was in the air
And when he dropped it down again
The road it was not there
A curb jumped out and hit him
It gave us all a fright
For all we saw was Ali
Go down head over shite
The kwacker she was damaged
She was really looking bad
And then we saw wee Ali
He was really looking sad
Well I'm a fucking idiot
My wee kwacker is a wreck
What will I tell big Gillian
Whenever I get back
I don't know what he told her
Or what he tried to say
But we have not seen Ali
From that fateful day
We've heard he frequents showrooms
Where Kawasaki's are sold
And with tears streaming down his face
He remembers days of old
We've heard he took up knitting
But at it there is no crack
He just sits in the corner dreaming
Dreaming of a kwack
Now Gillian, Ali asked me
Would you not let him come back
For God sake woman forgive him
And let him buy a kwack
He doesn't want a new one
And old one will just do
And Gillian he has promised
He'll do anything for you
Gillespie our new chairman

He also had a crash
Trying to pass a Suzuki
His Honda he did smash
But there's something about this story
I will have to reveal to you
So believe me when I tell you
This story is all true
Now Davey was out on his Honda
He was trying to ride real fast
When trying to pass a Suzuki
He ended up on his ass
Now I know what you're thinking folks
A Suzuki it must be me
But no I am just too fast
For I was home already having tea
Now Gillespie he was struggling
A big Suzuki was in front
And Davey he says to himself
I'll have to pass that cunt
Now Gillespie tried to pass him
On the outside and in tight
But everyway that Davey went
It wasn't worth a shite
The big Suzuki was flying
It was using all of the road
It left Davey and his Honda
Nowhere else to go
So Davey he decided
He would take the long way round
And he would pass the Suzuki
And he'd be homeward bound
So Davey he went for it
He thought he had the edge
But boys would you believe it
Davey stuck her in the hedge
The bike was nicely planted
But Davey we could not see
We looked around to find him
He had landed up a tree
Now boys please don't be laughing
When I tell you all the truth
About what really happened
And Gillespie the silly brute
Oh yes it was a Suzuki
He'd tried to pass for near an hour
But Davey will not tell you
This Suzuki had a sidecar!
Now Davey know your limits
Accept you're not quick enough
Quite honestly your riding style
Is really very rough
But if you'd like some lessons
I'll give them to you for free
As long as you can handle
The power in the Suzuki's
Now Davey has had a rough year
With the Gabshites he fell out
He walked out on us one Sunday
"You bastards!” he did shout
Yous put a sticker on my number plate
You always me offend
So you can go and stick your club
For I am not your friend
How could yous say I hate my Honda
on a sticker on her plate
My Honda knows I love her
And I think that she's great
I'll tell my brothers on yous
Then you'll not be so smart
I want to be the chairman
And that is just for a start
I wont let yous buy Suzuki's
It's Honda's all the way
I love them fucking Honda's
I play with mine every day
So we voted him in as chairman
Just to keep him quiet
For there's enough of them bloody Gillespie's
To start a fucking riot

Then there's Davey Pickering
His bikes never been on the floor
He went to Charlie Hurst's one day
And bought a four by four
While driving his new jeep back home
He came upon a flood
So Davey he drove his B.M.
Where nobody else would
So Davey drove it in there
The water it was deep
And Davey he got stranded
In his big B.M.W. jeep
Where he got into the middle
Through the air filter she had sucked
A gallon of the water
Now where engine it was fucked
So Davey he got out of her
And waded to the shore
Got the B.M. towed back into Hurst's
And now she is no more

Jimmy Hagan he does somersaults
For us to entertain
We even had a championship
In the bar at Killilane
Ali McKnight races barstools
It really is some sight
I have to agree with everyone
These two are two Gabshites
Then Mervyn he's some dancer
You want to see him move
He thinks he's Michael Jackson
When he gets into the groove
His arms he loses control of
They fly all over the place
You wouldn't believe the people
He has jabbed about the face
He likes to dance alone though
None else to cramp his style
We just sit and watch the people
Running for a mile
He organises the somersaults
And the races on barstools
Yes Mervyn loves to organise
All us bloody fools
This year the club has organised
And bought a new race bike
Michael Pearson rides it
And he's become a real Gabshite
Now Mervyn he just loves it
He thinks he's in Formula 1
He's went and bought big headphones
With a bloody microphone
He asked me for a clipboard
For to carry through the pits
Says Hector Neill that bloody man
Just gives me the shits
He's started to talk all technical
About how far rubber does flex
And let himself down a bucket full
When for tyres he suggested Durex
So they put him to the fuel
To research a few different things
When Mervyn "The Gabshite" suggested
Run'er on Red Bull! It gives you wings
So Mervyn was demoted
Put back into an overall
And Michael you will see him
At the corner if you fall
He's now a lowly marshal
With a flag, whistle and a rope
But don't look down on Mervyn
For sure he is no dope
If you have an accident
And come off on your ear
Remember you've been gathered up
By Mervyn the marshal of the year

My poem is almost over folks
I'm trying for an end
I hope that these wee stories
Did nobody offend
Eat, drink and be merry folks
Have a dance, enjoy the night
And if you're not a member folks
Come join us, we're the Gabshites